I Think The Chuppies Has a Little Crush

.. and it's not on me.

It's on this woman at his workplace.  Who is turning 40 this weekend and is holding a 70s themed birthday party - to which we are both invited (including a few of the Chuppies' other workmates and their respective other halves).

However, unlike the rest of his office crowd, the Chuppies has been working himself into somewhat of a froth.  As to how he is going to get some fancy dress sorted in time. 

This is, even though it is not imperative you wear fancy dress, and no-one else from his office is bothering to dress up. 

Additionally, we're not talking about hiring a costume here either.  O, no, the Chuppies is thinking about ruddy well buying the dratted thing.  Which would be a big fat waste of money (and the Chuppies, ever since I've known him, has never been frivolous with his cash - ever).  Unless he were to start taking to dressing like Shaggy from Scooby Doo in his downtime whilst watching the tele.  Or in the bath.

But there's also other things he does that seem a bit symptomatic of a crush.

(and, yes, it is `a crush' and not `crushing' - whoever started that particularly annoying turn of phrase should be taken outside and shot)

You know, like, lots of mentioning of her - which I believe is technically termed `mentionitis' - and this is often accompanied with a smile (although no dribbling, touching of himself or dreamy looks - yet).

And cooking for her (he made a batch of brownies one weekend and brought them in to his workplace especially for her to taste). 

And other stuff (cant quite remember the exact details here but there definitely has been other stuff going on that's very pertinent to my case).

To make it worse, this woman is really nice.  Yep, sweet, friendly, and darned attractive (a naturally pretty sort but without all the vain/shallow nonsense that is the usual accompaniment). 

In short, if I was a bloke I'd probably have a crush on her too - when I met her at the office summer party she was extraordinarily sweet (and a bit of a babe, to be frank).

Hmm ... now I've got this all written down I now dont know if it's the (suspected) crush that's bothering me so much as the whole `comparing myself and coming up short malarky' that's got me all cross & bitter.

Cos look :-

Woman Crush = sweet
Me = largely bitter

Woman Crush = naturally pretty
Me = look at me in a darkened room, with squinty eyes and with a pile of makeup on my face and I might just pass ... for female

Woman Crush = youthful looking (surprisingly so, couldnt believe she is actually turning 40 this weekend which means we were both born in the same year)
Me = holding on to the image in her head that she is still vaguely youthful but knowing in her heart (and also from looking in the mirror) that she's a dirty old bag of wrinkles

Woman = babe
Me = Babe (the pig)

And so on.

Pah - it's tough.

And - one more time - it's not `crushing'.

Thank you.